Me
Me
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bowiesziggystarlust:

I hate how I look from behind.  If I knew it was like this, I’d walk against walls.

You look beautiful
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fuckingscreaming:

rocksnob:

Richie has been on testosterone for almost 3 years now. We’ve been together for almost 5 years and have been through some of the best and worst times together. I’ve seen him grow into the man he is today and he has seen me blossom into a much stronger woman than I was before I met him.
I bought him his very first binder and watched him try it on 3000 miles away on a webcam. I watched his hair get shorter and shorter, even shaved bald at one point, and I’ve heard his voice change from familiar to unfamiliar to a new familiar. I’ve known him by different names, and have seen him in many different forms, but I’ve loved the same soul the whole way through. I was there when he came out to his friends, his family, his classmates, professors and colleagues. I’ve felt each and every wince he made every time he was misgendered, and I’ve felt every cringe of his each time he looked in the mirror and felt disconnected from himself. I kept him company through the silent years when his family had no words to explain their confusion, their fears, or their hallmark guilt. I’ve kept my fingers crossed in sterile halls of hospitals while he’s gotten surgeries to correct or remove parts of him he felt weren’t apart of him at all, anatomy that only made him feel less human. His words, not mine.
We lived in different countries, loved each other from afar, 3000 miles to be exact, for almost a year before I ever knew what the rhythm of his breathing late at night sounded like, or noticed the light speckling of freckles across his cheeks that his webcam failed to highlight. We’ve seen more airports, highways and hospital rooms than the average couple, but our struggles do not delegitimize our strengths.
Many people don’t know the story of how we met and I don’t know if Richie even realizes that he played a huge role in my recovery. Richie first contacted me online the same night that I attempted to kill myself and almost succeeded. I overdosed on October 8th 2009. I didn’t get to see his message that night, or many nights after that until I was stabilized and later discharged from the hospital, approx 2 months after he first said hello. Ever since, he’s been a lighthouse for me in my darkest nights, and he’s shined stubbornly, consistently, loyally, through the thickest storm clouds that have hung overhead 28 long years of my life.
I haven’t seen Richie shine bright in a long time. Days have been getting darker and darker for him, clouds of dysphoria have completely smothered any light that once illuminated from him and I feel like he’s more lost now than ever before and it’s time I try my hardest to help navigate him through his own storm.
Many know or have heard about my secret top surgery fund that I started for him for his birthday on August 30th. The original post has over 7000 notes and growing, his gofundme account has over 9000 views but we still have not raised even half the amount that we need for his surgery.
I need help. I can’t do this alone. Top surgery is a medical necessity for him. It is the only thing that can curb or completely eliminate his top dysphoria. His deteriorating emotional and mental health right now is directly correlated to his top dysphoria, his fear of being outed as a trans man because he hasn’t had top surgery which puts him in an extremely vulnerable and dangerous position, and the pain of binding 12+ hours a day which is a health risk in itself.
This is the most important thing I’ve ever done. This is the biggest secret I’ve ever had to keep. I need to do this for him. I need to make this happen. Please help any way you can; by reblogging or liking any posts about his top surgery fund or by donating any amount of money that you can spare.
"You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."
- John Bunyan
The link to donate and read more about what prompted this fundraiser:
http://www.gofundme.com/topsecrettopsurgery

Let’s keep this going!!!


This is beautiful. If I had any money at all, I would donate.
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"in general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. people are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. humans connect with humans. hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting."
robert glover (via fleurlungs)
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The first time I held a human brain in Anatomy Lab I was completely speechless. I looked at my classmates expecting a similar reaction and they looked back at me confused like…”dude let’s start identifying the structures.” I had to take a step back and let it process…in my hands was someone’s entire life. From start to finish, every memory, every emotion, every bodily control…was right there in my hands. 
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labrinkwoman:

imthatfucking-king-angie:

I felt so good looking at my body then I saw my thighs and everything vanished. 😒😳😵😖😔😓

You are still beautiful.

I agree^
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"

GOOGLE SEARCH:
Painless ways to kill yourself.

i. There is no painless way to kill yourself, someone, somewhere, will feel the pain.

ii. The internet says, “sleeping pills, you will fall asleep and never wake up! You won’t feel a thing!” When that is a lie, your stomach will turn to fire and your throat will fill with the taste of your own stomach acid. You will drown in your own spit. That isn’t even the worst party, it’s when your mother comes home from work. She will walk through the door, and call out your name. She will call and call and there will be no response, maybe you’re in the shower? Maybe you’re asleep? She will walk up the stairs, knock on your door to receive no answer. When she walks in she will see the lifeless body of her baby girl, lying on the floor. Her heart will stop but she will run to you with shaky knees, touching your face that is now still and cold. Her body will be on fire, and her throat will begin to tighten, the sharp pains in her chest will feel like knives in the heart. That image will kill her more than her own death, it will haunt her living years each night. She will no longer be alive, but just as dead as you are now.

iii. Years ago, your father showed you the gun safe he kept in the house in case of emergencies, you knew the pass code, you knew how to shoot and loud, at least you had an idea. They say a bullet to the brain will do the job.. So one night, when your father is fast asleep, you will be down the hallway staring down the mouth of a gun.
One, two, three..
Your father’s heart will jump and his body will follow, the first thing he thinks of is you. He will scream your name and run down the hallway and bang on your door. It’s locked. His knees begin to feel weak as he bruises his body trying to knock down the door, the first sight he see’s in blood splattered on the wall. At that moment his breath began to stop, and his eyes wandered to yours. Still open, but no more life inside your shell. He will drop to his hands and knees and scream why, why, why. There will never be a day he won’t hate himself, for keeping a gun in the house, for not making you happy, for not knowing. He will live a life without a son, live a life with an empty space. Live a life of hurt, and hatred for himself.

iv. You may think that when you’re dead and gone you will not be hurting anyone. You may think when you slide a blade across your wrist, you’re only hurting yourself. Yet I have learned that is not true, it’s not. The person who will find your body, the one who see’s the cuts, their chest will feel tight and they will feel like it was their fault for letting it get this far. The only mark you will be leaving on them is pain, hurt, and the question why? So please note this, there is pain in every suicide attempt, every death, every cut. You are not only hurting your life, but others too. Because you are cared for.

"

i.c. // “There is always pain in death, maybe not felt by the one dying, but felt by the lovers of the deceased.” (via delicatepoetry)

I really needed this.

(via giive-me-a-reason)

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